Monday, July 27, 2009

would've been, could've been, should've been....

Something I have learned along our journey so far, if you were ever the type to somewhat have your life on a schedule in your mind of how you want things to be, forget about it!! When dealing with IF or re-current miscarriages that is something that you might as well realize just doesn't happen.
Funny my "schedule" never added up like I thought it would. I always thought I would be married by 25 and start with one kid around26-27. I was sort of on track when I was first engaged at 24. But thankfully that unhealthy relationship ended before I made the mistake of marriage. And just in time to find my love and best friend, which I married at 28. Not quite on my "schedule" but well worth the wait! I was sure we would have are first little one before my 30th B-day but this is obviously another schedule mishap.
Funny because as much as I tell myself to stop with the mind torture game's I still find a way to do it every month! For instance, this month if we would have gotten PG our due date would have been April 3rd....right before our 2 year wedding anniversary. The best anniversary gift ever! And the month before if we would have gotten a BFP it would have been the day of Chris's 30th b-day. Instead AF showed up that day. And the month before that our due date would have been around the week of my 30th B-day. And the month before that it would have been just in time to still have a touching Mother's day to celebrate being PG again. (instead I couldn't help but think about how close I would have been to actually being a Mom if not for our loss)
And of course if I got PG this month I can't help but think our due date will be sometime right around Mother's day next year! Seriously the mind game's I play on myself are just ridiculous! I tell myself every month not to think about "what if". But I just can't help it! And I also can't help but think about the fact that our baby's due date is just around the corner. September 12th. ♥ A date I hardly think I will ever forget. How I never imagined I wouldn't be PG again by then.

So anyways here is my update for what the plan is this month. Today I went in to see my Doctor. Had blood drawn yet again, an ultrasound done and discussed "Plan of Action" for this cycle. So here goes so far -
Cycle #6 of TTC since MC
Start Clomid CD5, continue until CD9. I go back in for an ultrasound next Tuesday (8/04) to check on my follies to see how the Clomid has them growing. Then depending on their sizes will depend on my next appt.. I also filled the script for Ovidrel (trigger shot) that will be given once one or more follicles is big enough for ovulation.
So I know some of you are thinking Clomid=twins, right?!?!?! Well it's actually only a 10% chance. But it is a possibility! Crazy because the thought of twins before made me want to cry (in fear). Now I really don't care. If it takes having two at once to have a baby, then that's what it is. I think Chris is a little too excited about the whole twin possibility, though. Of course he doesn't have to give birth to both of them! lol
Oh and I also have an Accupuncture appt. Wednesday! I have heard so many good things about it from people that go for all different things, so I figured what the heck! I'll give anything a shot at this point.
So our journey continues, and we thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I will update again soon!


  1. Always thinking of you! Can't wait to hear how the acupuncture goes. xoxo

  2. just thinking and praying for you.. xoxo