& the wait just doesn't get easier...

So today I went in for..........that's right, more blood!! lol One women's blog that I follow referred to the nurse at the RE's office like our own personal vampire. You go in, she smile's as she tells you to have a seat, she proceeds to take some more blood again and then smile's and says, " see you next week!" The irony some of us find in our Infertility. They say you just gotta keep laughing!
I also had another ultrasound done today too. To check out my lining, which dr. said looked great!! Now if only my lil eggie would plant itself firmly in it that would be just dandy!!
So now the 1ww wait has officially begun! And yet again with the waiting game! Gotta love it. I am supposed to go Monday for my blood test to check for a BFP or BFN. Now I normally would be getting AF Friday or Saturday, but because of the lovely Progesterone I may not get it until I stop taking it. So if it's negative I am to stop the Progesterone Monday. Grrrr!!! This annoys me just a tad bit! Don't get me wrong, pretty much the whole month I do a little "stay away" AF chant. But if I'm not PG, which means she's coming anyways, then I would rather the ole winch show her bloody self sooner than later! So we can start the whole process over again.
And so we wait....
I often wonder about some of these women that have been TTC for 2, 3 even 4+ years! Does the 2ww ever get any easier?? I little less anxious maybe?? A little less mind tricks? Like do you still wake up every morning & pinch your boobs in hope that they hurt?? Or feel a little pinch (probably was gas) and think, ohh was that implantation?? Or feel a little more tired one evening, so maybe I'm PG?? But after reading a lot of these other blogs dealing with IF, it seems like the woman who has been TTC for 3 years is just as anxious as the one trying for 7 months!
To think it really never gets easier.....It is sad and I am beginning to understand why some of these women eventually look into adoption after 3,4, 5 years of IF becoming there only lives with their numerous appt's, drugs, tests, failed cycles, failed IUI's, failed IVF's, hundreds to thousands in money spent. And waiting, thinking, waiting..... It's crazy this new world I've come to see on our Journey. These women are just so strong for going through all this for so many years. The drugs alone are just so body/mind altering. They play with your emotions so bad. Like you already are PG, but instead of looking at the ultrasound of your beautiful growing child and knowing it's so worth it, you look at a blank screen as the dr. tells you yet again....I'm sorry, it didn't happen this month. A friend said to me recently, "I don't know how you do the wait every month!" I'm so impatient I hate even waiting at red light!" That's just the thing though, I am not a patient person either!! I hate it! But I do my best because I have learned the hard way that dwelling too much doesn't help the situation at all either. You will start to go crazy. And when I do start to feel too sorry for myself, I think about the other women. Who's situations are far worse than mine. Who only have one Fallopian tube, have a Unicorn shaped uterus, have severe Endometrioses, have had five un-explained miscarriages, have had still births at 16wks, 20wks and sometimes carried to full term and lost the baby!! And then on top of some of that have a husband who has a condition with little or no quality sperm! There is so much more but most will not understand what they all mean so I'm not going to go on and on about all that.
And this is why I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself. So I look on the brighter side and try to make it through another month feeling hopeful.
Well time to go do my "stay away AF chant!" ;o) Wish us luck yet again!
(btw if you look to the left and down you will see I put a fertility lingo chart for some that have requested it! now maybe you will understand at least half of what i talk about! ;o))