Friday, September 18, 2009

A wonderful yet sad day

Yesterday we went for our weekly ultrasound visit at the RE's office. I think my nerves were more on edge this time than last week! I felt so sick. Maybe because with our last PG we saw the heart beat and then never saw it again? Or because I am slowly letting myself become very attached to our new lil Pea and the thought of losing him/her is already devastating to me. Whatever the reason I was a mess. I can't wait until the day (if ever) I can go to have an ultrasound and actually be excited like most. Not feel like I might vomit any second.
So finally after waiting almost 2 hours (dr was running behind) we were put in a room. At this point I'm doing my breathing, trying to not make our poor lil Pea completely crazy by Mommy's hyperventilating. lol
Of course they have a new ultrasound tech girl. My luck. I love our regular tech. She does the vaginal ultrasound while the dr looks up at the flat screen and takes his notes. Well the new girl finally inserts the wand properly (I won't go into complete detail but yes, she was having trouble with inserting in the correct hole! OMG) and then just stands there not sure if she remembers what is next. Now the normal tech I love usually goes straight to baby so I can see the heart beat. This girl is trying to figure out which buttons to push and at this point I begin to panic. I can see the sac and our baby but laying down I can't see the screen well enough to see the little flicker. Finally I yell, is there a heart beat?!?!?!?!? And my wonderful hubby, who saw it right away, says yes there is. Now I think I have made the new girl completely nervous as she fidgets around trying to do measurements, all the while beating me up inside with the wand. Just then my regular tech comes in to save the day. She helps her out and then finally takes over. Thank god!!!!!!! Baby was still measuring perfect at 7wks 3days. Heart rate went up to 156bpm. She zoomed in and doc showed us where we could see the brain that was forming. He said, looks like you might have a Harvard baby. lol Then he showed us the gut that still is protruding at this point. If you looked closely you could even see the nubs that are starting to come out to form the arms and legs. I could have stared at our lil Pea all day. And then the sad news came. Dr. tells us that to him it looks like the perfect PG. Everything looks perfect so far. He asked if I made an appt. with my OB and I told him yes, for next Wednesday. He then tells me that he thinks we are done here. We no longer need him. I said are you sure??!? Are you sure I don't need to come back again? He says, well you have an appt. with your OB Wednesday? Yes. Then I think you will be in good hands with him and he can handle anything from here. (he knows my OB) I am screaming in my head, NOOOOOOOOO!!! I can't live without my comforting visits each week with you!!!!! But as of not to look totally insane I sadly say Ok. Then after our exam the nurses come to give us a hug goodbye. At this point I am crying and they are yelling at me to stop it before everyone starts crying.
It has been 5 months since we started seeing our RE and yet it feels like so much longer. Going there once, sometimes twice a week you really become close with everyone. And they are all so nice and caring. Nothing like most regular dr offices. We will truly miss them all even though we are grateful to be moving on for good reasons.
So now I have my appt. on Wednesday and I am going to have to beg for an ultrasound if they do not offer. I know OB offices do not like to do them as frequently but I just need it for peace of mind. As to not drive baby and myself totally crazy. I will be 8wks 2days so if we can see again that everything is fine I am going to make myself promise not to go crazy if they tell me I have to wait more than a week for my next scan. I am also still debating about renting a Doppler of our own. I have read about them and you can hear the heart beat around 9-10 weeks on it. Can this really be our baby?? It still can't register in my head that I might be able to carry this baby full term. It's almost like I have convinced myself my body is just not capable of holding and nurturing a baby to full term. But I am trying to just take it day by day for the most part.
Yesterday I also had my appt. with the GI doctor to discuss my lovely IBS flare ups. He did an exam and said I am indeed bloated. Yayyyyyy!! I was totally trying to convince myself that was the reason I look 12 weeks PG already, but thought my head was just trying to find excuses for my new fat. lol I feel like I need maternity pants some days already. Anyways he said I can try with the BeneFiber, Metamucil, ect. for now to see if that helps. The meds they use on IBS patients he would like to stay away from for now. Because of my history and the fact that he doesn't know how safe they really are to take when PG makes him not feel comfortable at this point having me take them. He asked who my OB was and said I am in good hands. That if things continue or get worse he would discuss with my OB once I am farther along about possible meds.. So for now I am to try the Fiber supplements, lot's of water and follow up in 3-4 weeks.
I have been feeling a little run down the past two days. I think from all the stress and everything. So this weekend I plan to just relax and take it easy. And sleep, sleep, sleep! :-)
Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers. We continue to hope this is finally our perfect lil Pea that we will one day soon be holding in our arms.
*new pics in our album of lil pea*


  1. WOW, you don't have to go to him anymore?! That's GREAT- you've overcome your first big hurdel! I ♥ the pictures, it's so amazing how clear they are! I am so happy for you guys, and hope to join the Mommy club with you very soon!!

  2. Always love hearing your good news and seeing how big your little one is getting in the pictures! Thank you so much for sharing them! My RE told me that when we finally get pregnant I can stick with him until 10wks. I told him that they will have to pry me off his leg when I have to go back to my CNM..LOL! Hopefully you get that sonogram you want on Wed and we can get more pics!! Have a great relaxing weekend...I'm gonna try and do the same :/

  3. Your pictures are so great! I really hope you get to see the baby again next week (and that you get less bloated!)

  4. you really scared me at 1st with that title.. but again so relieved and sooo happy for you 2!!!

  5. I think your in wonderful hands with your OB, if I might say so myself. Prayers are still coming your way.. :) xo

  6. whew your title made me nervous! I'm so glad you had such a great appt seeing lil' pea's heartbeat get faster - but i am sorry that you will have to leave the comforts of your RE's office- but this is GOOD news hun - you will be great with in your OB's hand, and I'm sure if you smile sweetly enough, they will let you have another u/s on Wed! ;) Have a great weekend and keep enjoying THIS moment!!

  7. You totally scared me with your title. LOL About the Doppler... Do not rent one. It is cheaper to buy one and I know the perfect place to get one. It is where I just ordered mine from. Are you on facebook?? I am so if you are we can chat there and I can give you all the details about the Doppler. :) I am going to be posting a blog update when I get mine as well. It is being shipped right now. I am praying for you and your little pea :)

  8. also made me scared with your title.LOL So glad that you got to see your little ones heart beat:)

    can't wait to hear how your Appt with the OB goes.Sorry that you have been feeling nervous when going in for your ultra sounds. I can understand what your saying though & think thats normal.

    I'm praying for you, your husband, and your little pea!!!