So Surreal

Levels are doubled again like they should.
Beta=1,432 and Progesterone=22
My progesterone was a little lower, but she also said it could be because I hadn't put my morning one it yet. Oops! My appt. was 7:45am and I was trying not to be late this morning. So I grabbed the progesterone and figured I would just put it in once I got to work. She said I really should put it in before my appt. because as soon as you insert it it starts to be absorbed in your body. So next time I will make sure I do that!
I think some people I have told are probably thinking I sound a little like I didn't just get great news. And honestly to me I can even hear it in my voice. My Mom said she thinks I am still a bit numb to everything. It's just still so surreal for some reason to me. I haven't even really gotten very anxious. Maybe because I haven't even convinced myself still that I am PG. And I still have no symptoms, which I know many women would take as a blessing.
Chris was breathing heavy on the phone when I called him. I think he has been more anxious/stressed than me. He said he had been waiting all day and was so relieved to hear good levels again. Don't get me wrong I am happy they are still rising. Maybe it's going to take the ultrasound picture to make this more real to me. Even though we know all to well that once we see our baby's little heart beating, doesn't mean we are in the clear. What it does mean is I will probably officially fall in love and pray to god my heart doesn't get torn again.
I re-posted all my blogs from my last PG. I still had them on here but had made them private. I figured our last baby was the reason I made this blog so I decided to put them back on here. As they are definitely part of our Journey. As I re-read them I realize now how I have healed over the past 7 months. As I read the words and realize how much love I already had for our baby. How excited we were. It make's me sad but also I think I am more at peace now with it.
So Friday we go for our first ultrasound and more blood work. I feel as if I may pass out on the table?? Seriously though, it has only been a few hours since I talked with their office and thinking about Friday is scaring the shit out of me. I feel like the thought of reliving that last ultrasound of our last PG when they could no longer find a heartbeat. But I am not totally flipping out yet and I am going to continue to just breathe & realize I am in good hands and we are doing everything we can to make sure things go as well as is possible. Everything else is out of our hands. So this evening I put my hands on my belly. And for the first time I recognized my little bean that is hopefully growing strong. And I told it that I will do everything I can to make it safe these next 34 1/2 weeks and if it could just be so strong for Mommy and hold on for that time.
Again thank you everyone for your prayers and thinking of us. I think it's working so please continue to pray for us!