Monday, August 24, 2009

Guess I wasn't crazy...but wishing that was it

Well the explanation for the pee tests not getting any darker and still having no PG symptoms is not me just simply being crazy in the head. As much as I wish that it was. Went for level check this morning. Dr.'s office called this evening. Of course I didn't have a paper and pen & forgot the exact number for my levels but here are around what I think she said. (i will be calling tom. morning to ask again)
Bad news. My Beta/HCG did not even double. For those that don't know, your levels should double about every 48 hours. It has been over 96hrs.
I believe she said my HCG was 78 and my progesterone also dropped to I believe 14. She would like me to start Progesterone suppositories tonight. They are hoping this might help and my levels will catch up. When levels are not rising properly in the beginning this usually means an inevitable miscarriage. I go for a level check again Thursday to see if the Progesterone helped or if I am going to have another loss.
So now we wait yet again and hope for what feels like the impossible. If it is inevitable the progesterone will do nothing and I will miscarry. I am glad that if it does happen again that it happens sooner than later. Last time seeing our baby's heartbeat was just too hard when we lost it.
Someone once said to me, "Sweetie, you will never get over your losses, you will only get through them." These words echo through my mind whenever I am sad. No one knows the pain of miscarriage unless they have been through it. I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on my worst enemy. Surprisingly I haven't cried yet. Then again I think I have gone a bit numb with all this lately. And now our little angel's due date is fastly approaching next month so I'm sure I will have plenty of time for crying then. If this PG works I was hoping I would only shed a few happy tears that day. If we have another loss I can just imagine it will be a very dark day for us.
Thank you all for your prayers. I just don't know with all the love & prayers we are given how this could even happen to us again???
Written with love by Kailyn's Mommy at 8/24/2009

7 comments:

  1. jen nelsonAugust 24, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    they told me that progest. levels should start out at 14 so youre not lower then normal which is good and the supp will raise it, as hard as it has to be, try to think good, loving thoughts, i will be praying for you,chris and baby. xoxo

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  2. DawnAugust 24, 2009 at 7:59 PM

    I am so very sorry Nicole!! I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. I am praying for a miracle!!!

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  3. cheryllookingforwardAugust 25, 2009 at 8:23 AM

    I'm still thinking about you and hoping for you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this pain and wondering.

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  4. The Proud Parents of TwoAugust 25, 2009 at 8:35 AM

    Miracles happen for those that believe in them. Yours is coming! Try and keep your head up and your hopes high. xo

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  5. WendyAugust 25, 2009 at 9:43 AM

    Oh Nicole!! I will be thinking about you today - hang in there hun - stay strong - prayers coming your way

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  6. GrandmaAugust 25, 2009 at 4:31 PM

    Thank you for the update...Please keep me posted..pray for you and Chris every nite..I am sure GOD is listening Love you, Grandma

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  7. AnonymousAugust 25, 2009 at 8:05 PM

    I am so sorry to hear this news. I was so super excited when I read your last post a few days ago! I cried as I read this post. It's heartbreaking and please know, I'm thinking about you and have you in my thoughts and prayers everyday.

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