9 weeks

So today our lil Pea graduated from an Embryo to a Fetus!! It still is very surreal to me that there is this little being growing rapidly inside of me. I still am having bloating, indigestion and the lovely mostly constant nausea. The nausea has actually been a little worse the last two days. Which is fine with me. As much as I hate the feeling, I am actually grateful for it. I know that may sound weird to some, but to me it let's me know that hopefully it's because lil Pea is growing stronger and bigger every day.
On a different subject one of my fellow blogger friends, JENNIFER , just received some very sad news. When she went for her 9 week scan Friday her baby no longer had a heartbeat. This is now her 4th miscarriage. I feel so sorry for her and her family. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers as I am.
This also makes me realize how quickly things can go wrong. As much as we have made it past such a hurdle already, I still realize how something could still happen. We are so in love with our lil Pea and I just can't even let myself think too much about the grief we would feel at this point if something happened. Also knowing how long it took us this time to even get PG. I still have that nasty nagging feeling that is in the back of my head telling me my body cannot make healthy babies and that we might still lose this one. I even think sometimes maybe the drugs are just prolonging the inevitable. But then I think maybe my body just really wasn't ready those two other times. Or maybe some of my eggs aren't the best but the reason it took so long to get PG this time is because somehow my body knew to wait until that "perfect" egg came along that would be our beautiful baby soon. And I have to think this is it as not to drive myself totally insane.
I wish we were going to see our lil Pea this week. You don't know how bad I want to call my dr and say I just can't wait until next week! But I am grateful he at least mentioned I can come in at 10 weeks again instead of waiting until 12 weeks. So until then I will try to patiently wait until next week to see our lil Pea. I think maybe I will have a little sigh of relief if everything is still going good next week and we see our lil Pea and a still perfect heartbeat. And by 12 weeks I have promised myself I will truly start to have fun with this PG. Maybe even go out and buy a little baby book or toy or something!
Until then we continue to pray lil Pea stays strong and continues to grow into our healthy baby we hope to meet in 31 weeks. (or 30 is fine also =))

Be careful what you wish for!

Once upon a time......I said when I get PG again I would even prefer to have morning sickness with my next pregnancy. As a reassurance that things are still ok with baby. I obviously wasn't thinking very clearly! lol Saturday started the nausea. And I have NO idea why they call it morning sickness! Mine is all day nausea, sometimes worse in the evening. I am starting to get used to it. A lot of the time it's like I just need to eat a little something. It's just kind of hard figuring out what to eat and then eating it when you feel like you might just rather vomit. I have been eating several smaller meals a day now. My friend Lauren bought me some preggo pops and those help, but only while they are in your mouth. And then the nausea creeps back in. I have also found Ginger Ale helps. Which is weird because I used to hate that stuff but now I actually seem to like it.
And the saddest part is, even with the constant nausea I still find myself having the occasional doubts that something might have happened to lil Pea. But I am grateful that so far the sickness is not as bad as some other friends I have known that have had it. Hopefully it will stay tolerable without meds as it is now. It does put a bit of a downer on your mood, though. You want me to smile while I feel like vomiting on you?!?! ;-)

So today was our first visit with my new OB. We loved him! Thanks Lauren. And he let us see our lil Pea again!! We could even see lil Pea's arms!! (put a pic in our album) Even after all the tests from my RE's office I still had to have 5 vials of blood drawn. Also he said he wanted me to continue the progesterone until 12 weeks. Yayyyyyy me!! lol
And here is the exciting part!! I thought for sure he was going to say he will see me back at 12 weeks. The nurse started telling me this and he chimes in, well I am sure she is going to want to see baby again before then for some reassurance so we will do a quick scan in 2 weeks (i will be 10wks) and then we will see her again at 12wks. I will actually be having my 12 week scan at the perinatologist. This is when they will be doing the early testing for Down Syndrome, ect.. After giving it much thought hubby and I decided to have this new testing done.
I also asked doc about the Swine Flu vaccine. He said he would advise to me to get it after the 1st trimester. The PG women that have gotten the Swine flu have become very ill from it, which I had heard. This is why they are on the priority list to get the vaccine when it becomes available next month. I am still uncomfortable with the whole thing but if I take the chance and do get the virus the only treatment is not approved for PG women. So it is what it is.
I also asked my dr. how he feels about me buying a Fetal Doppler. He said he wasn't going to tell me either way what to do. It does not harm the baby at all. BUT....he said what is going to happen when you can't find the heartbeat?? This happens sometimes even when he uses his Doppler. He said if I do get one he would strongly suggest waiting to use it until after 12 weeks. So I guess we have a little more time to think about it. Let me know if any of you ladies have experience with them and what your opinion is??

So we are starting to get very excited now. We are still also very cautious as I am still only 8 weeks but there is no turning back. We are both very in love with our lil Pea already. We just continue to hope things go great and in 4 weeks we will be past the 12 week mark!! It was weird today when they did the ultrasound. I am so used to the RE's office where they measure every little thing! They only measure crown to rump. No sac, ovary or cervix measurements here! Also the measurement was 7wks 6days and going by the last two week measurements from the RE's office I would be 8wks 2days today. But she said that doesn't matter, different machine, ect.. So I am going to stay with what the RE's said. Plus the lady that did the scan was very quick so I wouldn't be surprised if it was just because she wasn't as precise with her measurement as my RE was. And I totally forgot to ask him about my due date. I know most OB's go by your LMP. That would make my due date April 30th. But my RE's office went by measurements which is how I got May 3rd. I guess I will ask in two weeks when I go.
So now I just continue to take it day by day. And how exciting! Monday lil Pea will no longer be an embryo but will be considered a fetus!!

A wonderful yet sad day

Yesterday we went for our weekly ultrasound visit at the RE's office. I think my nerves were more on edge this time than last week! I felt so sick. Maybe because with our last PG we saw the heart beat and then never saw it again? Or because I am slowly letting myself become very attached to our new lil Pea and the thought of losing him/her is already devastating to me. Whatever the reason I was a mess. I can't wait until the day (if ever) I can go to have an ultrasound and actually be excited like most. Not feel like I might vomit any second.
So finally after waiting almost 2 hours (dr was running behind) we were put in a room. At this point I'm doing my breathing, trying to not make our poor lil Pea completely crazy by Mommy's hyperventilating. lol
Of course they have a new ultrasound tech girl. My luck. I love our regular tech. She does the vaginal ultrasound while the dr looks up at the flat screen and takes his notes. Well the new girl finally inserts the wand properly (I won't go into complete detail but yes, she was having trouble with inserting in the correct hole! OMG) and then just stands there not sure if she remembers what is next. Now the normal tech I love usually goes straight to baby so I can see the heart beat. This girl is trying to figure out which buttons to push and at this point I begin to panic. I can see the sac and our baby but laying down I can't see the screen well enough to see the little flicker. Finally I yell, is there a heart beat?!?!?!?!? And my wonderful hubby, who saw it right away, says yes there is. Now I think I have made the new girl completely nervous as she fidgets around trying to do measurements, all the while beating me up inside with the wand. Just then my regular tech comes in to save the day. She helps her out and then finally takes over. Thank god!!!!!!! Baby was still measuring perfect at 7wks 3days. Heart rate went up to 156bpm. She zoomed in and doc showed us where we could see the brain that was forming. He said, looks like you might have a Harvard baby. lol Then he showed us the gut that still is protruding at this point. If you looked closely you could even see the nubs that are starting to come out to form the arms and legs. I could have stared at our lil Pea all day. And then the sad news came. Dr. tells us that to him it looks like the perfect PG. Everything looks perfect so far. He asked if I made an appt. with my OB and I told him yes, for next Wednesday. He then tells me that he thinks we are done here. We no longer need him. I said are you sure??!? Are you sure I don't need to come back again? He says, well you have an appt. with your OB Wednesday? Yes. Then I think you will be in good hands with him and he can handle anything from here. (he knows my OB) I am screaming in my head, NOOOOOOOOO!!! I can't live without my comforting visits each week with you!!!!! But as of not to look totally insane I sadly say Ok. Then after our exam the nurses come to give us a hug goodbye. At this point I am crying and they are yelling at me to stop it before everyone starts crying.
It has been 5 months since we started seeing our RE and yet it feels like so much longer. Going there once, sometimes twice a week you really become close with everyone. And they are all so nice and caring. Nothing like most regular dr offices. We will truly miss them all even though we are grateful to be moving on for good reasons.
So now I have my appt. on Wednesday and I am going to have to beg for an ultrasound if they do not offer. I know OB offices do not like to do them as frequently but I just need it for peace of mind. As to not drive baby and myself totally crazy. I will be 8wks 2days so if we can see again that everything is fine I am going to make myself promise not to go crazy if they tell me I have to wait more than a week for my next scan. I am also still debating about renting a Doppler of our own. I have read about them and you can hear the heart beat around 9-10 weeks on it. Can this really be our baby?? It still can't register in my head that I might be able to carry this baby full term. It's almost like I have convinced myself my body is just not capable of holding and nurturing a baby to full term. But I am trying to just take it day by day for the most part.
Yesterday I also had my appt. with the GI doctor to discuss my lovely IBS flare ups. He did an exam and said I am indeed bloated. Yayyyyyy!! I was totally trying to convince myself that was the reason I look 12 weeks PG already, but thought my head was just trying to find excuses for my new fat. lol I feel like I need maternity pants some days already. Anyways he said I can try with the BeneFiber, Metamucil, ect. for now to see if that helps. The meds they use on IBS patients he would like to stay away from for now. Because of my history and the fact that he doesn't know how safe they really are to take when PG makes him not feel comfortable at this point having me take them. He asked who my OB was and said I am in good hands. That if things continue or get worse he would discuss with my OB once I am farther along about possible meds.. So for now I am to try the Fiber supplements, lot's of water and follow up in 3-4 weeks.
I have been feeling a little run down the past two days. I think from all the stress and everything. So this weekend I plan to just relax and take it easy. And sleep, sleep, sleep! :-)
Thank you all again for your thoughts and prayers. We continue to hope this is finally our perfect lil Pea that we will one day soon be holding in our arms.
*new pics in our album of lil pea*