WOW 12 weeks?!? Really??

WOW! We made it. This is what I said to Chris yesterday morning. We really made it! And yet I am a bit annoyed because this dang paranoia I thought would then vanish is STILL HERE!!! But, I honestly think this has to do with our scan Thursday. It's been a little over two weeks and lil Pea has been growing like crazy! So we hope. This scan is @ the Perinatal office. This is part 1 of a two part testing. They will be testing for the usual birth defects and also just to make sure everything is growing as should be so far.

I just can't get it into my head we might have finally created a perfect living baby. I need this scan to prove all my fears wrong. Our lil miracle conceived finally by Clomid. And then baby scaring us in the beginning when my Beta levels weren't rising like they should. This will truly be my lil miracle to see everything on that screen as it should. Our lil Pea now a teeny tiny baby. I just want this feeling I have that my dream will be ripped from beneath me to go away finally. And I think it really will once I see our baby Thursday. Then I can say we really did it. I think it's also very surreal to me to think there is this little life that now looks just like a baby inside my belly. Because I really don't have a belly yet. So I keep thinking maybe he/she is not growing properly. Or my new fear that my Uterus is not expanding like it should. I know I sound silly to some. And a few friends that have recently had babies have reassured me a little that some people really don't start showing until 13-14 weeks! And even then just a little bump. My best friend told me today, just calm down because soon you will be complaining you're huge like me! She is now 32 weeks preggo with her 2nd. And I'm sure she is right! So now we are saying another prayer that everything will be as it should Thursday and that I will get to enjoy seeing lil Pea moving around. Our 1st real look @ our baby. My friend Lauren told me for her this scan was truly amazing and an eye opener for her. So as nervous as I am I'm also excited.

Dealing with the miscarriages and Infertility the last year I have met many women online suffering as we were. Each there own story. All sad, some absolutely devastating. These women are all so strong, though. And they all deserve to be Mommy's. And some are now very soon about to be! Along with having them there to talk with during our hard times the past year I have also learned about so many other scary things that can happen while pregnant. But I have also reminded myself that although I know of all these things that can still happen even after making it past that 12 week mark, that was not our problem. Our problem was early 1st trimester miscarriages. So even though there are things that can still go wrong this was never our problem and I am going to enjoy the rest of this Pregnancy and just hope I never develop any of these other problems. I really want to enjoy this PG as I can't believe the first 12 weeks have already come and gone! We are still not sure what the future holds and if I will ever again be pregnant, so I want to totally enjoy each and every minute of this possibly once in a lifetime experience. Nausea, Migraines and all!! lol

That is my newest symptom. HORRIBLE headaches. And I am allergic to Tylenol so I can't take anything. They sometime's feel worse than hangover headache's for those who have never been PG. Today is my first day since Thursday I don't have one. (knock on wood)

I also wanted to attach a pic of the sweet card Chris made for me yesterday. Yes he will be a wonderful Daddy...♥

Oh and I almost forgot to mention I got my Doppler in the mail thursday and I LOVE IT!!!!! Took me awhile the first time to find lil Pea. He/she is still so low!! (btw, thanks DAWN for all your help with it!) But now I know where to look and I say hi every night. :o)